Thursday, 24 June 2010


I am not a particularly healthy person. I drink too much, I have a bad diet, I don't eat enough fruit and vegetables, I have an appalling sleep cycle and I'm generally just a wreck. If I were to have some kind of human MOT (or 'health check'), I'd fail it miserably and have to suck off the human mechanic (or 'doctor') in order to blag my way through. Why am I mentioning this? I'm not entirely sure, which is kinda the point.

I've noticed more and more that my brain isn't quite functioning at the high levels it once did. Just last week, I walked into my bedroom and stood still for about 20 seconds, staring into space, unaware of why I'd walked into my cesspit of a boudoir, or what I was now going to do. I shrugged off this brief mental glitch, then walked into my living room, grunted my tale of brainfail to my house mate, then suddenly remembered why I'd gone into my bedroom in the first place: to get away from my fucking house mate.

I find I'm easily distracted now, to the detriment of my wallet. I was standing at a cashpoint today, then saw an odd sticker on the wall next to the debthole. I heard the beeps of the cash machine, code for 'hey, idiot, your money is here, you might wanna, you know, take it, before some tramp comes and fights you for it', took my card out, but left the money. It took me about 5 seconds to realise what I'd done, which felt like... well, about 5 seconds.

There have been other incidents like this, but I can't remember. See? What's happening to me?! Is it my age? No, it can't be, I'm 24. I think. Oh god, I do sometimes forget how old I am.

Is it the drinking? It's probably the drinking. Drinking doesn't help, especially when so many of your friends drink enough to make Henri Paul blush (yeah, I couldn't think of a more contemporary drunk reference, can you see what's happening to my mind?!). I should work out more, body and mind. Those brain training games are all bollocks, I just end up shouting at that stupid blockheaded Japanese man as he sneers and taunts me, like the arrogant, Japanese floaty-headed bastard that he is.

My concentration levels have taken a bit of a hit, and I thought I'd made a horrific, critical error at work recently. I hadn't, but it took me a while to work out that I hadn't. I seriously think I have some kind of brain cancer. Or I'm just drinking too much. I should probably stop drinking so much, it's not good for my memory.

I am not a particularly healthy person, you see. I drink too much, I have a bad diet...

1 comment:

  1. jesus man, dont blame the drink, it'll hear you and get offended

    *to my hipflask* shusssssh now, the bad man didn't mean it

    Danny x